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Bigger than you…

A light hearted answer to the question mommy what is cancer.

So I asked God why me? This wasnt the woe is me why me… This was what am I supposed to do with what is happening to me. This is bigger than just me. I wanted to know how this journey would help others.

My daughter and I wrote a children’s book. This book is about a cancer Journey but from my daughters perspective. She was 6 when I was diagnosed I had no idea how she would handle things …I honestly had no idea how I was going to handle this. This story highlights how we went about discussing cancer. Our book can be found on Amazon hope you enjoy another way to join us on this pink road.

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She came alone

A few days ago…. (2/16/18) as I sit waiting to get my monthly shot I over hear (Im nosey okay lol) a young lady say she is comming for her first treatment. She was asked if she had any questions and she had none just said that she was nervous…. I wanted to cry I remember feeling nervous but I had my mom with me. I had my tribe with me praying for me. Where was her tribe? Does anyone know she is going through this? As she got up to go check in for her infusion I jumped up “Hey its going to be okay ” she looked at me strange. I shared that I remember my first treatment and that she will be okay. She smiled and said thanks. I sat back down and tears formed in my eyes I remember like it was yesterday… I was so afaid because I wasnt aware of what would happen. Would it hurt? How sick would this make me feel? Can I do this? I pray this young lady doesnt go through this alone she looked so surprised that I even spoke to her. I even huged her. I didnt want to be

intrusive well more intrusive by asking for her number. I really jumped out my seat and spoke out of the blue… I just wanted to send love her way.

We all need a tribe….our very own SURVIVE TRIBE. Where sending love is what we do. To help provide a touch of love and a reminder that you are not alone you have a whole tribe behind you. We are here! We fight We thrive !WE are Your TRIBE❤

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16 shots to the chest. 1year later last day of chemo.

Thanks to facebook Im able to relive a moment in time. It hardly feels like a year has gone buy. I really did it! 16 rounds of chemo and one of them was called the red devil yikes. It is so surreal I was balled no eye lashes or brows this time last year. Cancer taughter me alot during this time. The importance of positivity, health,patenting,prayer,and friendship. 16 rounds in my chest of something that could have taken my life. I thank God for strategic placement to help me learn and live.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10158036354890175&id=633105174

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Lymphedema…

Im typing this as I wait on hold for the cancer center. I decided to type to help me remain calm. Letting out my thoughts instead of letting them reak havoc in my mind. My thoughts fuck cancer (if my language offends my applogies but its how I feel) Its bad enough cancer took so much during that time spand of july 7th 2016 to may 5th 2017 but now at any moment something can trigger anxiety or fear. aches pains mild discomfort makes you wonder if its something serious. Im holding back tears as I talk to the

 Nurse… I have to get a call back.

Couldnt hold them back and thats okay this pic is to show its okay to cry even in font of your child. I took a few seconds to explain to her what was going on (this happened over a span of time the documentation was edited as needed)

 My hand is swollen and for some they may wonder why thats a big deal… When I had my breast removed I also has some lymphnodes removed. Our body has a lymphatic system I’ll talk more about that another time… But having a few removed disturbed the system. Are you thinking why did you have them removed? Well cancer is very invasive it not only invades your certain areas in your body it can affect your blood and for me the lymphatic system. The cancer (I never say my …Im not claiming cancer in a possessive manner. It’s not mine )the cancer was found in one of my lymph nodes and it was best to remove that one and the next few within the system. (Thanks to research they know it travels from one node to the next in a specific order). So removal was necessary but it comes with complications Lymphedema. Fluid can build in my arm and cause swelling.

Doctors calling. 

Okay Im back she recommended taking off the compression sleeve for a few days to see if that allows the fluid to circulate better. If I loose feeling or rang of motion I need to go to the ER.

This is the part of the on going journey. The uncertainty of not knowing of being uncomfortable… This is why your tribe is important they will be there to support you. (I called my mom before writing this part ) they help reassure you. 

 Will keep you posted on how things are going. 

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The journey continues

So many things can trigger you … A tingle in your arm, an article about wellness, health or etc can cause you to over think and sink in to a pit of anxiety  worry and sadness. In these moments you need to be reminded that you survived. That you fought for your life and you are strong. Remember that worry will not help you. Shift your perspective by reframing and in all honesty by just telling your self to stop. I have done this a few times . Just told my self to stop. Stop over thinking anxiety has no place here today. Another thing that helps during a time like this is reaching out to your tribe. Your tribe can help you change your thinking and give you the encouragement you need to keep it all together. They can also let you fall apart and put you back together. If you are a survivor you know that the journey is no way near over when treatment ends. If you are arent a survivor know that we still need you once the medical treatment is done. We need your text memes prayers and phone calls. We still need our tribe.

 SuriveTribe is another part of my journey I invite you to join me by following me on Instagram SURVIVETRIBE

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Survive the Visits

It is December 22 9:40 am and I am in a place that I must make a pit stop at. The cancer/ breast center has become a destination on this journey that I frequent often. Just like a pit stop in nascar I come to get checked out… you know see how everything is runing . These appointments are important they check my blood work I get my monthly shot and they check my overal health and well being after being on the road of recovery. 

I sit in a room full of many others we dont know one another but we are connected. We share a few things in common we have been affected by cancer. We are the ones diagnosed, healing from, coping with or loving and supporting someone with cancer. We are a Tribe we are all on some various part of this journey. 

In a few minutes I will be called to the back and my pit crew my Awsome nurse techs and oncologist will check me out give me a huge needle and make sure that Im running at optimal conditions. Im tired and achey things make me cry (I dont know if its a side effect of meds or just me 😀Im a crier if moved in some way I crying laughing, crying sad or even cry because that was sweet or mean )Im still fighting. 

About to take my waiting room selfie or two to pass some time as I wait to be seen. Take a few min to go like my Facebook page to stay in touch. I have some announcements coming soon. I’m so excited about this part of the journey. Im looking forward to sharing it all with you. 

https://www.facebook.com/DWhidby-1829816807338335/

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Survive the feeling

I am not a fan of having my feelings hurt (who is right?) So I do my best to take responsibility for how I feel and take notice of how people contibute to how I feel. (They contribute by the influence I allow them to have over my feelings) someones anxious or angry energy can make me feel anxious too if I allow it or if I am unaware of the transference of energy to me….
I should re write that

I take notice of how people react respond or how their presence has an influence on me.

In taking responsibility I accept that when my feelings are hurt it is not the other persons fault it is my interpretation of what they did (this the same even if it is hurt love shame etc… )
I decide on a subconscious level that It hurt me.

For this situation in particular and others to be honest I think about why it hurt my feelings.
I make a request to 🐐can you help me with___?

🐐no I dont do that… 

Me It will take less than 5min and would really help me.

🐐Nope

I continue doing what I was doing thinking I’ll only be a few more minutes and  then I can do what I asked help with….a few minutes go by and an accident happens (nothing major no need for details).
🐐 ends up helping just not in the manner asked above.

First emotion Im pissed😠

First  thought if 🐐just helped when I asked this would not have happened 
I placed blame real quick
 anger is a secondary emotion normally comming from something else
I went and took care of what I asked for help with. While doing that I took responsibility for what happened and thought I should have stopped what I was doing and did what I asked 🐐help with instead of continuing what I was doing.
I also thought about why my request wasnt done and how I help🐐often. 

My feelings were hurt. My thoughts it was a simple request nothing too big or too hard to do and 🐐was capable but just stood their ground with thier no 

Entitlement creeps in at times if your not aware

I help because I like to I help because I care 

I was hurt because I translated 🐐not helping to not caring

Got mad again in my head how the f this b gonna not help me after all I do when they need help…(entitled much??)

Second thought they dont owe me I may feel that they do but in all truth they dont specially If I helped because I wanted to or because I cared

I like to understand so I ask questions I do my best not assume I know why people do what they do

Went in to counselor mode… Why couldnt you do what I asked it wasnt a big task.

🐐not my responsibility

But I help with things thats not my responsibility sometimes

🐐😐😶 thats just how I am

That hurts cause I help u on major things that has nothing to do with me but okay.

Lesson learned

My feelings were hurt because what I give far out ways what I receive. I would move a mountain and they woudnt push a chair out they way if went against what they felt like doing.

I admire the stregenth it takes to hold true to what you say or feel

I think its insensitive to not help when you can specially when said person is their for you often( still working on entitlement even on this small level)

I respect that they dont have to
 My solution treat people accordingly

My feeings were hurt cause I do too much

Do less or do nothing to help because my feelings are tied to what I do and I do feel entitiled to some degree
This will be an interesting turn of events its in my nature to be helpful specially if I care about you. But I will see if doing less changes how I feel…..

Thanks for reading this long post

How do you take responsibility for your feelings actions … etc?

#survivetribe

#survivefeelings