Bands will make you…

Post from last year on this day.

I didnt know much of anything about cancer treatment so I wanted to share as much as I could to help others see what it entailed….

​9/17/16Good morning today I really wanted to be at millionaire school. Physically it wouldn’t be safe for me. I will be turning down invites for a while my health requires it. I figured I share some information about why and some information about the bands I am wearing on my arm.
 Picture with the red ban says restricted Due to the removal of my right breast

I can’t have any thing medical done on this arm no taking my presure blood draws etc 

The white and blue band state the type of device I have implanted in my chest it is called a port (if you have to  get treatment for anything on a regular basis I would look in to getting one )it helps administer medications or do blood draws the picture of me is me showing my IV which is inserted in my port when i go get treatment. 
The reason i cant go too many places 

Is explained in  the last photo. It has to do with my white blood cell count. White blood cells fight infection and germs. My count is low.
To keep safe well really alive I must exercise caution 

You know no being around people who could be sick who are sick and we know germs are everywhere 

I check my temperature every day to make sure i dont have an infection 100.1 I go to the hospital. Mine has been 98.6 thank God 

 Just wanted to share some information with you. I didnt know any of this prior to the diagnosis. Awareness is important it can save your life or help you save another’s life.

Taken it easy today

My friend and success partner said she will share all the πŸ”‘πŸ”‘πŸ”‘πŸ”‘ with me latter because health and wealth go hand in hand in creating this lifestyle . 

Hope you all have a grand day

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Im a little scared 1st dose round 1 of 16Β 

I mentioned how not all of my days were good days. Fear crept in many times here are a few of my thoughts just before getting chemo.

9/2016

​I cried off and on yesterday. It was like breathing let it all out  suck it back in. It started and stoped based on what my thoughts were…..

How am I still going to manage things while going through this 

How will I take care of my daughter no one is here with me 24/7 . 

I must be able to push through this she needs me I need me I will push through this (tears stream down my face.)

I wonder how my hair will fall out will it be in patches or all at once like in cartoons. Im actually pretty hairy legs arms etc so I  Think to my self fuzzy wuzzy was a bear fuzz wuzzy had no hair so fuzzy wuzzy really wasnt fuzzy was he cracks up  laughing ) keeps pushing through my day.

MY LIFE WILL FOREVER BE CHANGED BECAUSE OF THIS 

APPRECIATE EACH MORNING YOU RISE EACH TASK THAT YOU CAN DO  APPRECIATE KNOWING TO SOME DEGREE WHAT YOUR DAY WILL.BE LIKE.

that’s what scares me I have no idea what will happen for me… each persons experience is uniquely their’s. I have spoken with fellow survivors  (yup fellow survivors I’m going to be in that category )

And its bitter sweet I learn of things that may happen and hear how they over come them how faith joy laughter tears got them through.  

I CANT DENY THAT I am scared but this is one fear I can not run from 140pm today round 2 of this fight begins (there are many variations of chemo they are giving me one that is so strong you can only take it once in your life time talk about facing huge mountains shessh) 

Please pray for me I will be kind of distant today (intrue introvert form)

I will respond to text or fb messages voice mail when I get a chance dont take it personally please. ( my own feelings are overwhelming and as a part of self care I must only focus on overcoming the negative feelings )

I will.be reaching out to people or my mom will. Possibly a truster friend will also. Once we see how i take this first dose we will have a better idea of what kind of help will be needed. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING THERE VIA MESSAGE ETC I APPRECIATE YOU ALL 

#kisscancergoodbye 

#chemotherapy 

#1stchemotreatment 

#iamemotional 

#bedopenotdown this one is hard to do today lol.

Going to run some errands/ eat have an amazing day on purpose

How do you handle fear? Whay reasures you? Share with me ❀

1st dose 1down 1 closer

Last year in September I received my first few doses of Chemo

Its about to go down 1treatment closer to being done and cancer free  (I’m not counting how many I have to go rather one closer or two closer to being done) perspective is everything.  You get to choose how you think about things. Shift your focus to more postive outcomes and ways of thinking

The nurses had me laughing and singing old songs like total kissing you and we brought up other songs and dances they helped ease the slight anxiety I was feeling. 

They call me to my sitting area thats where I’m at now in the picture and this nurse is also sweet and funny she brought me a boxed lunch warm blankets and some meds to prep me for the chemo. Im thankful for the comfort and the laughter 

My goal still smile or at least smerk after this treatment ??

#Onecloser 

#bedopenotdown 

#kisscancerbye 

That goal was achieved

#checkyourself 

Today I reflect on how perspective and optimism oh yeah and a smile helped me fight for my life.

Changing my words thought and outlook allowed me the chance to be in a good mood. The smile shows I still have hope and hope is one of the few things that inspires people to keep pushing. To be transparent I had down moments but with mindfulness encouragement from my survive tribe I was able to shift my mood.

How do you shift your mood? How has hope or friends help you through a tough time? Looking forward to hearing from you ❀

Uncertainty

This time last year.  Give or take an hour lol its currently 12:08am ….​ last year I woke up like 130 am and was just awake. I looked around in the dark trying to figure out why I woke up. Like a computer running an assessment hmmm did something happen is my sugarbaby okay do I have to pee (lol) I get up and go to the bathroom look in the mirror check my eyes etc ( I look at my changes alot more now just to insure I’m well its weird and will talk about that another time)  I use the bathroom etc wash hands return to dark room lay down and still oddly awake Like fully awake like its the mid day. So my mind thinks what should I be thinking now or learning now. It has to be a reason I am up. (God do we need to chat if so Im all ears lay it on me ) thoughts came and went a few stuck out.

MY birthday was one of them… Today  still my bday remains a thought but now it’s also how uncertainty affects me. Here’s a glimpse of my thoughts now 2017

 My birthday is Tuesday 37 last year I didnt plan anything cause I didn’t know how I would feel… Chemo had me tired and I just couldnt say I would be up to anything…I ended up having a glass of wine and a cupcake when it was officially my birthday.

Uncertainty has kept me from many things.  I would “protect my self from things because I could not predict the outcome or to be completely transparent what I thought would happen would be negative …. You know either I couldnt do … shouldnt do ….for some reason that I could have pushed through.  I gave myself limits I over thought and would talk myself out of things that I wanted to do. 

I had enough reason to do something last year plans can change, not being at my best or not feeling at my best is okay and completely understandable during this time. Well here it is 2017 Im turning 37 I kissed cancer good bye and I still didn’t plan anything for my birthday.

A few weeks ago a good friend Kenya said Its not to late to do something. She was right this year is very important because I am fought  for my life on a biological social emotional and mental level. I didnt do that to go back to a lifeless life…so in a few hours I’m having a game night. New journey new normal .

 
Sometimes those moments when we wake up  are times to ponder randomness or things we need to address. What is the latest thing you have had to address or adjust I would love hear about it.

 πŸ™ƒ

Be Bold

Somebody find me a carnival out fit and another boob asap lol but really I have seen this and another beautiful women on my time line rock a beautiful hue of blue on their head and I love it 😍. It’s a bold move…people laugh smirk and mean mug some even make comments just loud enough for you to hear their snide remarks…they have no idea what I been through or why I chose this and believe it or not alot of thought was put in to this choice…here’s why…

I am okay with not being seen I can play the background like no bodys business. I was comfortable there. Over the years I made a few changes and I have been getting more comfortable being uncomfortable. This past year the diagnosis of stage 3 breast cancer pushed me even further. Its okay to be seen its okay to be different its okay to stand out boldly (yes I know some people do this and dont make a big to do about it… but I get to because some people believe you are just born that way and not that you can be come that way)

Complete tangent real quick you ever see someone and they walk tall proud and confident you look at them and think they have no insecurities what so ever and that if you were like them or looked like them you would be more confident and bold… I use to think that some times. That thought creeps up when I admire someone. But thankfully because of a few transparent moments and open conversations I learned they have insecurities too they are not as bold as they come off … Talk about ah haaa moment…

Okay back to my topic lol.

I realized that my life is not promised and the things I like love or want to do should be done. I dont have to sit and watch life happen to me I can show up even when I dont feel like it. Bold choices make you do this. You will be seen you will be notice will you show up?

I dont always feel like I have energy nor do I feel like being seen sometimes specially with all my thoughts about how to build a new normal all the new aches and scars and lack of boob. Oh and medically induced hot flashes and emotional roller coaster of feelings. It can put you in a real funk …but this color in my hair makes me smile. It makes me show up be Present and be positive …be dope not down (I will talk more about that phrase I coined later in another post) I get a kick out of the double looks and laughs from others.  I speak to those who stare and look at me weird.  I then compliment them on something or address the elephant in the room. Why that color ? When they look puzzled I provide a piece of the puzzle…. this is why. They may or may not get it and thats cool… I use to care too much about what others thought. Their valadtion ment something now I wonder why does it bother YOU that My hair is different why laugh or make negative comments about something that doesn’t hurt harm or have any effect on you?

I have gotten some pretty awesome compliments so Dont think that its been all negative it hasnt.  For me its been a fun and freeing part of the journey… New normal Im okay with my choices even when most people arent.

Tell me about a bold move or choice you made and why?

After my mastectomy

This was then ……​A quick up date… I believe I am healing well after surgery and have a follow-up appointment next week.

So many of you may not know what this process is like. Its weird because my pain is minimal but it its bothersome. I have drains that I have to  monitor and empty. Also have to document the color and amount of fluid that drains out (fluid builds up in the  body and needs to find a path of least resistance to exit the body the drains help create that path).  These drains are coming out of my side and thanks to a unknown lady (who donates them.to the hospital ) I have a tiedyed pink  home Depot pouch on to keep them from just hanging about. Kinda like a fanny pack its helpful. 

the soreness the limited range of motion of my right arm and not being able to get comfortable at night are the challenges I have right now. I am blessed that this is all each step of this journey is teaching me alot . (I have been creating a list of each thing as I become aware of them. )  

Im being transparent with this mostly to help others see the importance of checking your self eating better self care etc but its also a lil therapeutic for me. It reminds me that I dont have to be ashamed of what I am going through. That I am more then my body hair or mood at any given time. (This was not a quick up date  lol )  

Last part

A good friend of mine lives a great distance away but wanted to help me as I battle cancer she created a you caring account to help me with some of the financial strain that may present it self during this time…please check it out. Thanks in advance #kisscancerbye 

https://www.youcaring.com/danielle-whidby-613779
#bedopenotdown

Today I have no right breast still not sure if or when I will get reconstruction. I have scars where the drains came out of my body but Im still here. Im grateful for that

Free to just be…body positivity

The first few weeks after getting my breast removed I founf it hard to get comfortable some times. Lack of sleep can cause you to feel emotionally and physically weak. I had a moment tears started to fill my eyes and my thoughts tried to take over…..

What thoughts πŸ€”

Can I do this

Why me 

Fear of unknown things concerning treatment.

I started to pray tears stoped 

My aunt called to check to see if I had a ride for sugarbaby and ministered to my spirit for like 2 min  by reminding me of Gods unconditional love. 

I listened to a song that has been so very helpful during this process. … I started to worship #worshiping>worrying 

God is able

 I dont have to be bound by fear 

I CAN do this

 and to answer WHY me …so I can help others get through this. So I can learn to live fully and freely

I had to learn to love my body dispite it being altered.

My womanhood (in my mind)came in to question would I still feel feminine… (I never had a big chest and I have been very self conscious about how I look. I wondered how would people treat me seeing me disfigured will they notice I only have one boob? After going out a few times when I was able I learned no one noticed or at least said anything. It was okay.

A few days ago while I was in Miami I met this awesomely free lady🍁🌹. She was topless. My friends said hey is she ….I said yup she is topless. I thought wow she is bold and free and loves her body. We dont have to sexualize everything. We dont have to be ashamed. I survived I am still fighting feelings thoughts and physical battles it was nice to be free for like 3 secondsπŸ˜‚. Bonus on this journey I made a new friend❀ 
#kisscancergoodbye

#bedopenotdown

#freeyourmind